State of Mind

On being the type of person I want to become

Now is probably a good time to officially admit that I need a reset—desperately.

I want a fresh start in the worst possible way because most things feel like an existential crisis these days.

It could very well be the nature of the end-of-school season (also known as Maycember—for good reason, I might add). Despite my best efforts and attempt to not over-schedule our family, here we are trying to juggle all the things.

I know this is temporary, but I also know that if I don’t document my feelings and current state of mind in some shape or form, I will inevitably fall back into the same pattern (likely for back-to-school season, if I’m being honest).

The issue is not in all the things in and of themselves. The issue is that when I place my focus and energy on all the activities, events, and responsibilities that come barreling our way, I quickly lose sight of what truly matters to me and how I want to show up in the world.

I know I’m a little late to the game, but I recently read Atomic Habits by James Clear, and the one concept I keep coming back to is identity-based habits. This simple, yet profound, quote sums it all up beautifully:

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you want to become.

So, this one piece led me down yet another existential crisis. One where I ask myself, “Who do I want to become?”

The person I want to become is not far out of reach at all. It’s actually quite simple but requires daily intentionality on my part.

I want to be the type of person who:

As it turns out, I’ve been unintentionally casting votes for the wrong person—someone who is chronically exhausted and stretched thin for the sake of “keeping up.” I am done making decisions for me and my family based on fear (mostly fear of my kids missing out if they don’t attend a friend’s birthday party or if we decide to stay home on the weekend).

To hold myself accountable, I am planning to share photographic evidence over the next few weeks of me living out the life of the person I want to become. My hope is that by doing so, I will become her—and just having a plan to use my camera more is already a step in the right direction.

Now, I’d love to hear from you! What type of person do you want to become?